


Rescue

by bright73



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Episode Tag, Gen, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-24
Updated: 2005-10-24
Packaged: 2017-10-20 14:16:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bright73/pseuds/bright73
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara’s world is rattled.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> Tag to 5.23/24 Grave Danger and 6.05 Gum Drops

He said it with a little shrug. “I was rescued.”

He said it like he played no part in his own survival, like it had been all about us; that we were the ones that held his life in our hands and he trusted us completely. As if he owed us. Like he hadn’t fought the venom and fear, like he hadn’t endured the horrors I can’t even phantom.

I wasn’t able to think of anything else to say than; ”It wasn’t your day to die.” Probably one of the most unscientific sentences I’ve ever uttered. But there’s nothing else I could say as I understood him completely. And a twinge of hurt squeezed my heart.

I’ve battled the same guilt for years on end. I’ve gone through it with my therapist over and over again and intellectually I accept it – emotionally I can’t seem to get over the fact that I survived. I made it out of the hell, albeit a totally different hell but I made it. With help, I accept that now but the bitterness has lingered in me a long while. And yet I was not even the real victim, just a bystander to the horrors. Nick lived through it all, on his own. And now he’s battling the eternal guilt of “why me?” I know that guilt, I live it.

And I knew why he had to find Cassie, all the pieces fell into place all at once. He’s repaying and he will be repaying forever more. I want to tell him he’s already paid. He only collected what was coming to him; that his rescue was something we all owed him. He owes us nothing, never has and never will. But this is Nick and he doesn’t see the world that way, he sees the world from a very different angle. He’s a giver of nature and I am not. That is the beauty of Nick Stokes, and that rattles my world.

He will be repaying for a lifetime, but unlike me he won’t question his fate; he’s humbly accepted it. Will not question, battle or revolt, he will always do his utmost to repay.

It pained me that this time he might have lost and that hope in his eyes would have flickered for a while and he would forever have blamed himself for not being enough.

But now, in retrospect I can’t but smile in gratitude. He would not give up and he found her.

Somehow I know that the light in his eyes might flicker but it won’t ever be blown out. It will always be there and that makes all the difference in this world.

I feel Nick is repaying my debt too and it takes a load off my shoulders. That is Nick; he takes part of your load and carries it without even knowing. He does it by showing the way.

And suddenly my guilt has lessened and I smile to the morning sun and quietly thank Nick for allowing us to save him.


End file.
